Building A Winning Family Team

Excerpted from A Message By Jon Alsdorf

In a world filled with brokenness, creating a wholesome family can seem like a daunting task. Yet this is precisely what we're called to do - to build strong families that shine as beacons of hope in our culture. Regardless of your role - parent, child, grandparent, or church member - understanding how to create a winning family team is essential.

What Makes a Family a "Winning Team"?
A winning family isn't one that never faces challenges. Rather, it's a family that perseveres through thick and thin, operating on the strength that Jesus provides. When we build families focused on Christ, we have an incredible opportunity to let our light shine in a culture where family experiences often include brokenness, pain, and regret.
The apostle Paul gives us guidance in Ephesians 4:1-3:
"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you've been called. With all humility and gentleness, with patience bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." This passage reveals two essential principles for building a winning family team:

How Do Successful Families Handle Weaknesses?
Unstoppable families bear one another's weaknesses. Every family has them - there's no such thing as a perfect person, perfect children, or a perfect church. Sometimes our expectations are higher than the people around us are prepared to meet.
In 1 Peter 3:7-9, we're told:
"Finally, all of you have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil, or reviling for reviling. But on the contrary, bless. For to this you are called, that you may obtain a blessing."
These qualities - unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, tender heart, and humble mind - are essential tools for bearing with one another's weaknesses. Any family that doesn't implement a liberal forgiveness policy will struggle in the long run.

How Did Jesus Handle Our Weaknesses?
To understand how to bear with others' weaknesses, we should look to Jesus as our model:

• He understands us - Hebrews 4:15 tells us Jesus can "sympathize with our weaknesses" because He was "tempted as we are, yet without sin." Jesus understands what it's like to be you.
• He helps us - Romans 8:26 says, "The Spirit helps us in our weakness." God is a helper, not an accuser.
• He gives us grace - In 2 Corinthians 12:9, God tells Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

This is our roadmap for dealing with others' weaknesses: understanding, help, and grace. In their weakest moments, people need these three things from us.

How Do Winning Families Leverage Different Personality Types?
Unstoppable families understand and value one another's strengths. Every family member has unique personality traits that contribute to the family's success. Like a cruise ship needs different roles to function properly, families need different personality types:

The Captain
Strengths: Take-charge problem solvers who are competitive, confrontational, and enjoy change.
Weaknesses: Can be direct, impatient, busy, and sometimes insensitive.
Communication Style: Direct, blunt, one-way communicators who struggle with listening.
Needs: Recognition, responsibility, problem-solving opportunities, and challenges.
Growth Areas: Adding softness and becoming better listeners.

The Social Director
Strengths: Optimistic, energetic, motivational party planners who are always looking to the future.
Weaknesses: Can be unrealistic, impatient, manipulative, and may lack follow-through.
Communication Style: Inspiring, optimistic, enthusiastic, but often one-way.
Needs: Approval, opportunities to verbalize feelings, visibility, and social recognition.
Growth Areas: Being more attentive to others' needs and balancing optimism with reality.

The Steward
Strengths: Warm, relational, caring, loyal people who enjoy routine and are great peacemakers.
Weaknesses: May miss opportunities due to comfort in routine, sacrifice their feelings for harmony, and hold grudges.
Communication Style: Indirect but good two-way communicators who listen and speak well.
Needs: Emotional security and an agreeable environment.
Growth Areas: Learning to say "no" and confronting issues in a healthy way.

The Navigator
Strengths: Accurate, precise, focused on quality control, discerning, and analytical.
Weaknesses: Can come across as critical, strict, controlling, or pessimistic; may lose sight of the big picture.
Communication Style: Factual, detail-oriented two-way communicators.
Needs: Quality and exact expectations.
Growth Areas: Understanding that total support isn't always possible and developing flexibility.

Special thanks and consideration to the late Gary Smalley and the Smalley Relationship Center and Institute for the above material.

Why Should Families Understand These Personality Types?
Understanding these personality types gives families:

• Common language to verbalize needs and struggles
• Clear targets for how to love and value each other
• Insight into how to bear with weaknesses
• Standards to bring relationships to

When family members know their strengths are valued and their weaknesses will be met with grace, understanding, and practical help, it adds strength and resilience to the family as a whole.

Life Application
This week, take time to identify and discuss the personality types within your family. Consider these questions:

• Which personality type best describes you? Which traits from other types do you also possess?
• How can you better appreciate and celebrate the strengths of each family member?
• In what ways might you be overlooking the needs of others based on personality differences?
• What specific weakness in yourself do you need grace for, and how can you extend that same grace to others?

Challenge yourself to value every family member's individual strengths while leveraging your own strengths for the sake of your family. Remember that a winning family team isn't one without weaknesses - it's one that understands, helps, and extends grace in the face of those weaknesses.